


open when

by voltair



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Heartbreaking, Hurts So Good, I wrote this in 30 minutes so it's shit, Leukemia, M/M, Not Beta Read, Open When Letters, Pain, Sad, Short One Shot, so much pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 18:01:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19728883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voltair/pseuds/voltair
Summary: Iwaizumi knew it was coming, but it still hurt. It still hurt when he opens one letter and drowns it in the tears he cannot keep at bay.





	open when

**Author's Note:**

> my first work for the haikyuu!! fandom :) go follow me on twitter @bokuto_s :>

_"Here you go, Iwa-chan!”_

_“What’s this?”_

_“These are Open When letters!”_

_“Cliché.”_

_“Still sweet! Read them, okay? I’ll be sad if you don’t.”_

_“Bastard. You know I can’t see you get sad.”_

_“Yes, because you love me. I love you too! Always, whenever and wherever I am.”_

-

When they first heard from the doctor about Oikawa’s leukemia, Iwaizumi felt like the world was crashing around him and burning him to the ground. Everything blurred as numb shock instilled its icy poison in his veins, olive eyes unblinking and staring as the doctor’s sympathetic words droned like meaningless static in his ears. 

He was slipping away, but Oikawa held his hand. He couldn’t look at Oikawa. He couldn’t. He knew he would break down, but Oikawa’s touch kept him grounded. Oikawa’s hand was trembling, but his grip was strong and sure as he thanked the doctor for his time and they got up to leave.

_How?_ Iwaizumi wondered through the midst of the foggy haze that clouded his mind. _How could you be so strong?_

No words were spoken as they exited the hospital and got inside the car. They sat there, unmoving. Oikawa was the one who broke the silence with a broken _“Iwa-chan”._

And they were falling. The tears, their worlds. 

They could do nothing to stop it. 

-

Friends visited. The people they played volleyball with and against visited. Family visited. Iwaizumi never left Oikawa’s side, not even once. Oikawa’s smile never dimmed, and he always told Iwaizumi that they’d keep fighting. Not him, not him alone. The two of them.

They were strong. They would hold on.

-

But in the end, cancer was cancer. Death was death.

And Oikawa Tooru was just human.

-

_Open when I’m gone._

Do you remember the time we lost to Karasuno? The tears spilled from that bitter defeat? I know that pain can’t even begin to compare to this one, but they have one thing in similar: I’m with you.

We don’t know if heaven is real. We don’t know if souls are nothing but a nonexistent concept humans use to comfort our egos as temporary cosmic beings. We don’t know if we’re going to exist outside our mortal shells. We don’t know anything.

But I do know that we love each other, and that means death isn’t going to keep me away from you. I’m here, okay? I’m always here, Iwa-chan. You can’t always be strong, and that’s okay.

We knew from the first hello that there will eventually be a goodbye, and this is it. But goodbyes don’t always have to mean the end. I know you’ll keep me alive. I know you will. 

I love you, whenever and wherever I am. 

_Tooru_

-

_Open when you miss me._

I’m guessing this is one of the letters you’ll open the most. I can’t blame you, though. I miss you too. You’re out buying coffee as I write this, and I already miss you. Seconds are meaningless without you filling their frames. Silence is loudest when you’re not here to share it with me. 

I’m sorry for doing this to you. I’m sorry for leaving. I wish. I wish a lot of things. 

I wish I could come back. 

I wish that the most.

I love you, whenever and wherever I am.

_Tooru._

-

_Open when Takeru gets married._

Iwaizumi gave that one to Takeru before he left the reception. Takeru was inconsolable for hours, and the next day he showed up with his wife at Iwaizumi’s doorstep with a bouquet of tulips— _Oikawa’s favorite_ —in his hand. They went to Oikawa’s gravestone and Takeru said to the wind how “tulips always looked better when they’re next to you”, like he once overheard Iwaizumi tell Oikawa and later teased them about. Takeru’s wife cried. She was a lovely woman. She fits Takeru perfectly. 

When the couple dropped him off at his house, Takeru said to him, “I hope our marriage would be as strong as yours.”

Looking at Takeru’s eyes, a pair so similar to the ones that belonged to the love of his life, he knew it would be. 

-

_Open when you’re angry at the world._

You remember how we used to watch The X Files when we were kids and you called me a nerd? Remember how you called me in the middle of the night so you could scream in my ear about the new Godzilla movie trailer? Remember that night we ran away from college and spent hours just watching the stars while lying on the hood of your car? Remember the ocean and the sand against our feet when we went to Bora Bora for our honeymoon? Remember the treehouse in your backyard and the abandoned train tracks we used to play at, the dandelions blooming from unexpected places? 

This world may be upsetting you right now, but it’s also the world that showed you how beautiful things can be. 

You’re gorgeous, Iwa-chan, even when you’re angry, but you’re the most beautiful when you’re happy.

Now give us a little smile!

_Tooru_

-

Oikawa always, _always,_ knew what to say. 

-

_Open when you think about taking your own life._

Iwa-chan, why do you think everyone hates death? Why do you think death is so painful? It’s because life is beautiful, and it’s not worth losing. It’s not worth leaving the people that care about you behind and turning their smiles into tears. It’s not worth not seeing the stars anymore, not worth never feeling the waves of the ocean again. 

Death may be permanent, but permanent isn’t always better. Life is proof of that.

You’re meant for so much more, Iwa-chan. The world isn’t ready to lose you yet.

Your death won’t bring us back together again.

So whatever you’re thinking right now, stop it. Stop it, please.

Please.

_Tooru_

-

_Open during our anniversary._

Happy anniversary, my love! I still remember you singing _Heaven_ to me on our wedding day and yes, I’ll never let you live that down even in death! I know, I’m a rascal! Hehe, but you loved me anyway!

I know I already told you this countless of times when I was still alive, but marrying you was the best decision I’ve ever made in my entire life. Saying _yes_ was the second. Our marriage had its ups and downs, but we were strong, weren’t we? We held on. We loved, we lived, we fought, we broke each other, we left, but in the end we always came back. I love that the most about us. 

I’m willing to bet you bought me tulips again. I know you told me tulips always looked better next to me, but have I told you how tulips always looked better when they’re in your hands? If I haven’t, well, now I did!

We would normally buy some cake from _Little Angels’ Bakery_ , I’d smear the icing on your face, you’d dump the cake on my head, and then we’d make love for hours on end. Those were the best days of my life.

But now I guess you’re going to visit me, so pour me some of the Chardonnay we always drink on our anniversary while you tell me about your day, would you?

I miss you, and happy anniversary again! 

I love you, whenever and wherever I am.

_Tooru_

-

_Open when you’ve fallen in love._

_-_

Iwaizumi doesn’t think he ever could, but he opens it anyway. 

-

I’m so happy for you, Iwa-chan! Please don’t beat yourself up over it, okay? You _know_ I’d want nothing more than to see you be happy, even if it’s with someone else. I’ve already made peace with the fact that I can’t hold you in my arms again, or feel your arms around me, but thinking of you finding that kind of warmth again brings me unimaginable joy. 

I love you whenever and wherever I am. I’ll always want what’s best for you. 

So do me a favor and take care of this person with all your heart. Love them even more than you loved me. Cherish them, cry with them, laugh with them, tell them they’re beautiful, take them to the movies, discover the world with them, talk about Godzilla together. 

Love them the way you can’t love me anymore. 

_Tooru_

-

Iwaizumi is 86. He lived a quiet life, attending the important events of his friends and family’s lives and taking care of Takeru’s children whenever the couple is out on a date. He loved them, adored them like they were was his own.

He retired from his job at 68 and relied on his pension for expenses. He kept the house clean and orderly. Most of his days would be spent outside in his rocking chair on the porch with a newspaper or a book in his hands, sometimes just watching the familiar neighborhood scenery and smiling at the kids from next door who sometimes spied on him secretly from behind the bushes for fun.

He’s read every single letter at this point, memorized every single word. 

He feels that his time is coming, and he gets ready for bed. 

He reaches under his bed, pulls out that familiar box containing all of Oikawa’s letters and opens the last letter he’ll ever open in this lifetime.

-

_Open when you’ve healed._

There you go! I knew you could do it. I’m so proud of you, Iwa-chan! We’ve had our forever. Now it’s time for you to find a new one!

I love you, Hajime. Always, whenever and wherever I am. 

_Tooru_

-

He smiles while lying on his bed as he holds the letter close to his chest. 

He closes his eyes.


End file.
